Monday, March 9, 2009

Akume's Obedience School for Bad Dogs and Petulant Puppies


With Spring in the air, and the resulting increase in rambunctious canine behaviors, it is time to begin a new session of obedience school for doggies of the human sort. Now I know that some of you may be scoffing at such a thing, but it has become apparent to me that there are way too many dirty dogs that simply have never been given proper training and have been allowed to get away with attitudes and actions that simply cannot be tolerated. Allowed to jump and paw, lick and sniff, and get overly excited is not the kind of display that will make a Mistress proud of her pet. He must learn that she is the owner and boss, and nothing is more important than making her happy.

I have worked with resistant, aggressive types and taught them to listen and obey my voice and hand signals. I have also helped the shy and timid become fun and frisky. I accomplish this through an unrelenting training program that uses both positive and negative consequences. Negative consequences include but are not limited to spanking, striking with various implements, with corrective admonitions given in a stern tone. Positive rewards include verbal praise, stroking, petting, and if a doggie is REALLY good, he could be allowed certain forbidden activities that I will not mention here.

With a little work, I have my charges performing tasks that they never had imagined they would enjoy before. I know, it may seem a bit humiliating, subjecting a human dog to the indignities of a rolled up newspaper, cage, food and water bowls, playing fetch with a rubber dildo, and playing all kinds of silly games, but his embarrassment is the fuel that powers my glee. In the fantasy world I inhabit, we can do anything I want.

Do you know of a nasty, dirty dog, who needs discipline?
Could it be you?